i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
