btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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