the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
