I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
