remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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