wanna go halves on a baby?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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