what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
