8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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