So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
