I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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