I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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