Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
