this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
