Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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