did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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