explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
