you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
