I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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