i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
