its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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