A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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