no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
