I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
