i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
