dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
