Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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