its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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