i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
