TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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