I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
