did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
