i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
