Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
