I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My dick has a subreddit
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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