while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize