I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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