ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
