how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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