This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
