you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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