my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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