my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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