You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
