Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
