I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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