Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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