Whats the glycemic index on semen?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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