You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
