I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
