No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
