Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
