Just mADE A PArabola og urine
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
