Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
