yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
