You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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