He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Less talking, more tequila
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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