her facebook's as public as her vagina
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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