Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
