i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize