he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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