we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
