ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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