I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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