Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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