TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I party with great urgency now.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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