a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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