Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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