i don't like sucking hair
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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