I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
