My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
