i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
