Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
