please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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