If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
