the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize