real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
We named our party play list daddy issues
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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