Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I could make wine with my vomit
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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