Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
