You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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