Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I need a beard to bite.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
