White coat. Heels.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
