if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
