While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
