I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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