I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
