idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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