nut hugger
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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