i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I am midnight drunk by noon
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
