I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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