So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
